Goodbye to you
by Himitsu Miko
Summary: Zexion never cared. He really didn't. HAPPY DEXION DAY! XP Named after a Michelle branch song


It was a note. It was probably the worst way to do it, but it the only option he had. He had to get to the plane on time. And the note was just a thought. He didn't really know why he did it; this was the one person he was trying to get away from.

But he left a note with an address on it and left, guitar in its case with stickers all over it in one hand, bag of clothes and other small necessities in the other. He had a backpack full of sheet music too.

Zexion could just picture this. The way Demyx would just glance at the sticky note pad and shrug before setting down the bags in his hands to scribble this new address on the pad. He wouldn't even have to pause and think because he's been eyeing the place for so long.

Zexion knew why the blonde left. And he couldn't blame him to save his life. They had passed each other on the elevator. Zexion was coming back and Demyx was leaving. The moment he saw the blonde wannabe mullet he knew that was it. They had both paused in the doorway for a moment. The moment was long enough to say goodbye. But they wouldn't. Demyx didn't want to risk chickening out, and Zexion didn't want to believe it yet.

So they passed each other and that was the last they saw.

* * *

Demyx's plane ride was slightly boring. He wasn't going far and the seat next to him was empty. So he pulled out his guitar and started strumming softly. He wasn't playing anything, just looking for something to do occupy his hands.

He couldn't say he wasn't going to miss seeing Zexion's face every day, waking up beside it every morning, to see the tiny reading glasses propped on his nose as he read, to see his soft smile that rarely appeared. He couldn't say he wouldn't miss it, he would, but that wasn't why he leaving. He loved Zexion, probably still did, But Zexion never cared.

The slate-haired introvert never listened to songs Demyx learned to play, or finally finished writing. He wouldn't pay attention when Demyx was saying something important. Zexion never smiled at or for him, Zexion never seemed the least bit interested in anything about Demyx, except Demyx himself. He liked his body, his voice, his gentleness. Not the guitar, not the extrovert, not the bubbly smiles. Zexion hadn't liked _who_ Demyx was; he simply liked _what_ he was.

He didn't know when he closed his eyes, but when he opened them, there was a single tear that made its way over his cheek. It was going to be hard living without Zexion. But he would survive, he'd have to. It was either he'd survive or break.

And with that thought, the plane started slowly lowering to land and the announcement came to buckle up for landing.

He slowly got off the plane, not sure what to do or where to go. He knew where he was going to live but it felt weird not knowing anybody. He was sure he'd make friends quick, but no one was waiting when he stepped off the plane. No one was waiting when he got in the Taxi. It was going to be really hard for him to get used to the fact there was no one _to_ wait.

* * *

Zexion knew the address of where Demyx was suddenly moving to. It was from a memory buried deep by all the others. A memory that was neither quite pleasant nor quite depressing. It was simply a memory. But that's how he saw every memory.

Maybe that's why he "had never cared". He found no point cherishing memories that were only to be warped and fade in time. Anything that changeable couldn't be trusted. And Zexion didn't like trusting things that didn't deserve it.

Though, in retrospect, he supposed he should have paid Demyx more attention.

* * *

It was depressing to say "I'm home" to an empty house. Especially if you know it will never be filled, and most definitely not by the person you want it to fill it. But he did it anyway. It was a force of habit and something he never wanted to break. Maybe he could go back to having an imaginary friend. They'd listen to him. They'd pay attention. They'd understand. They'd be better than Zexion. And they'd never claim to love him either.

Demyx threw his bag of clothes on the floor before going to his knees and gently setting down the guitar to open it. The house was already furnished and ready to go, but he didn't want to touch anything just yet. He was still hoping these last six years were a dream. That he'd wake up and it'd be right after they had confessed for the first time. Back when he thought Zexion cared. And maybe he had, at the time, but he doesn't anymore, and that's what counted.

Demyx settled the guitar in his lap strumming slowly, letting the notes fade out. It was slightly out of tune, but he didn't care as he started playing the first song that came to mind; "Quote" by Evans Blue. He sings the lyrics in his low voice, quietly, trying to keep out the emotional overflow that wanted to accompany the playing.

"Quote, Hey, listen 'cause I'll only say this one, I finally found the words, that mean enough to me, goodbye my soul, unquote," Demyx finishes finally letting his eyes open. He sets the guitar beside him and flops backwards onto the floor, staring at the too white ceiling.

He wanted Zexion back. But that was the one thing he'd never get.

Demyx sighs. It'd be hard to get used to a new city. He supposed he'd play some on street corners until he found a job here. He stands and picks out his guitar, setting it gently back in its case and moving that to prop itself against the couch while he brought his clothes to the back bedroom. He was living in a full house all by himself and with nowhere near enough to fill it with. He could pay the rent and bills and the cable bill, but it felt too big, too empty with just one person. Demyx decided he'd find a way to fill it.

As he trots back out in the living room, the door bell rang. Demyx thought this odd since he didn't know anyone here, but maybe the neighbors were trying to be friendly. He opens the door and in front of him stood two almost identical boys. Just one was a brunette and the other a blond.

"Hello!" The brunette greets enthusiastically. "I'm Sora! This is Roxas. He's really quiet and can be really dense at times."

"Like you can't," Roxas mutters under his breath making Demyx smile slightly. It was the first one in a week. The first real one anyway.

"I never said I couldn't. Anyway, we're twins and live right next door," Sora continues nodding to Demyx's right.

"Cool. I'm Demyx. Nice to meet you two.

"Likewise!" Sora smiles brightly and Roxas simply nods with a small only slightly real smile. Demyx could definitely tell the difference between the two brothers.

"You want to come in?" Demyx offers, opening the door all the way.

"Sure." Sora skips inside while Roxas takes two steps in and takes off his shoes as Demyx closed the door.

"Wow….it's been a while since anyone lived here…" Sora says fondly upon reaching the center of the living room, spinning in a circle, slowly, taking in everything.

"Has it? Is there something wrong with it?" Demyx asks wondering if he bought a house that wasn't as good as it seemed.

"No, no. it's just a house, though. Nothing spectacular. Normally the people that go looking all the way out here in Twilight Town are complete rich snobs. Which makes no sense seeing as twilight town isn't this huge luxurious place, y'know?"

"Ah…okay." Demyx shrugs. He was just looking for a place. And he found one. He didn't understand why people would pass up a perfectly good house but he wasn't going to complain if that left him to this one with these friendly neighbors.

"Anyway," Roxas says walking over to where his brother was and Demyx following. "The people who live across the street are Seifer and Hayner, if they start fighting, its fine. It's normal. Hell, it's healthy for them. It doesn't really count as domestic abuse. And the people who live on your other side are Olette and Pence. They're out on their honeymoon but they'll be back tomorrow."

"Wait, Seifer and Hayner are dating and they fight a lot? How does that make sense?"

"Considering they spent from third grade up until they were sophomores in high school being 'enemies' before they both grew a pair and confessed," Sora explains with a shrug. "Both Olette and Pence still have a slight problem with it, but they don't care."

"You know you're telling their story for them, right?" Roxas points out.

"And? I always do that."

"And they always get mad at you for it."

"….touché."

Demyx chuckles before flopping on the couch next to his guitar. "So, what do you guys do, anyway?"

"Us? We're college students. As are Pence, Olette, Seifer, and Hayner. It's the last week day of Summer." Sora answers with a shrug. Demyx then decided that Sora did all the talking for his twin. He wondered how Roxas felt about that. "We work the graveyard shift for the Starbucks(1) just down the road. We woke up a little early because a little birdie told me that someone was moving in."

"Birdie my ass. You saw the for sale sign removed," Roxas points out.

"What_ever_." Sora huffs, pretending to be offended.

"Really? Dang, you guys make me feel old. I graduated a couple years ago," Demyx replies, hand resting fondly on his guitar.

"Really? What was your major?" Sora asks eagerly, sitting on his knees on the floor in front of Demyx while Roxas flops down in the arm chair.

"Music. I don't make a lot of munny from it. Nor do I really have a job in it, but I'm working on it." Demyx shrugs. "What are you two majoring in?"

"Acting!" Sora declares suddenly jumping up again.

"Literature," Roxas answers.

* * *

It felt weird to Zexion, coming home to an empty house without hearing that familiar sound of a guitar coming from his and Demyx's shared room. Only, Demyx wasn't there to share it anymore. It kind of bothered him how much the fact that Demyx wasn't there and wasn't coming back _didn't_ bother him. If he was always like this, he couldn't blame Demyx for leaving. And he couldn't rightfully follow the blonde without feeling completely selfish if he didn't actually _miss_ him.

The house he was now living in was paid off a long while ago, so payments were minimal and only for continued use of the land. He wasn't going to make Demyx pay, not because he couldn't, he was sure he could, but he wasn't going to. He would still pay the electric and water bills, but he wouldn't make him pay rent, there was no reason to.

"Hello?" Zexion answers the phone after it rang a couple of times.

"Hey, we need some help back at the lab, do you think you could come back?" It was Vexen from his work, they had just started a new experiment today. Really, Zexion only did the research for the team, only helped with the actual experiments sometimes, if he was there during it, he was normally just recording the progress. Vexen and Lexaeus did most of the experiments, and drug in some people from other groups in if they needed extra hands.

"Sure. Give me a few minutes and I'll head back. Should be there within half an hour," Zexion answers hanging up the phone not even waiting for a response. He only wanted to be home for a few minutes to get used to what "home" now actually was.

He gathered up his things and left again, not feeling like he was actually leaving.

* * *

Demyx was happy he managed to make friends so quickly. That, and, that he had such good neighbors. Yet, halfway through his conversation with Sora and Roxas they heard yelling from across the street.

"Oh, they're at it again. I was wondering. It's been awfully quiet over there for a while," Sora muses skipping over to the front door and looking out the window next to it. Demyx and Roxas followed the brunette but before they could get to the window too look out of it also, Sora was already throwing the front door open. Over his shoulder Demyx and Roxas saw yet another blonde standing in front of the door across the street silently seething.

"Hay-hay!" Sora calls making the other turn around and smile brightly. "Hay-hay" runs across the street to where Demyx, Roxas, and Sora were.

"Hey guys, this the new guy?" He asks looking confident and relaxed. Sora invites him in like it was his house and they all go back to the living room.

"Demyx, Hayner. Hayner, Demyx." Sora introduces as they all sit down, motioning to the blondes, respectively.

"Hey, weird way to meet, huh?" Hayner says rubbing the back of his neck before extending his hand to Demyx.

"Yeah, well, today's not really normal, anyway," Demyx chuckles taking the offered hand and shaking it twice before letting go.

"You must think I'm insane for living there," Hayner gives a small, slightly humored smile.

"Naw, Sora explained it earlier. And I've stayed in a relationship that could be considered worse than that," Demyx says with a small chuckle.

"How so?" Sora pipes in.

"He didn't care," Demyx shrugs.

* * *

The day was long, especially after Zexion had gone back to the lab. It had taken a lot longer than ever expected and he hadn't gotten home until really late. All he could do was flop into bed after he got home and sleep.

For some reason he dreamed of Demyx. But not of happy times. Of old times. While he didn't care. Zexion realized, upon waking up, that he hadn't really ever cared all that much. Maybe, a little early on in the relationship, but not recently, not for a while. His research and work always took first place. And then he'd come home and they'd have sex, sometimes. Though it couldn't be called something that simple and gentle if Zexion had never cared about Demyx as a person and Demyx knew as much. It was never that simple. Or maybe it was always way simpler than he thought.

Zexion thought he was starting to care. He just wondered if he'd stop if Demyx ever came back- if he only cared because Demyx wasn't here anymore. Maybe he was just taking his presence for granted.

The days passed and Zexion fell into the same routine he had before. But now it seemed dull. Maybe it was because Demyx changed it every so often. He wasn't here to that now.

* * *

All of him neighbors were in college now. He had no one to distract him from the memories during the weekdays anymore.

Today he was going through his sheet music. It was a normal, everyday experience, but when he saw a song he had written for Zexion he couldn't help but flash back.

_"Zexy, Zexy! Hey, where are you going?" Demyx called out to his boyfriend._

_"Oh, Demyx, what is it?" Zexion asks turning to face Demyx with a small smile._

_"I wrote a song for you, you want to hear it?" Demyx asks holding up his guitar and the paper with the music on it._

_"Sure, go ahead." Zexion allows himself to be pulled over to and pushed into sitting on the couch. This made Demyx smile. Sure, he was still holding his book, but he seemed to be paying attention, at least for the time being._

_So Demyx started playing. He poured his heart and soul into it. He closed his eyes and sang like it was his last day on Earth. And when he strummed the last note and let it fade out; opening his eyes, the sight he saw made him want to cry._

_Zexion hadn't gotten up and left, but that maybe wouldn't have hit Demyx so hard. No, he opened his eyes to see Zexion settled back into the couch reading his book. Didn't even blink or move a single muscle when the music stopped. He wasn't paying attention, Demyx realized. He didn't care. He never really did._

_Demyx stood up silently and carried his stuff back to the bedroom slamming and locking the door behind himself. Zexion was going to sleep on the couch tonight, even if he didn't know why._

Demyx didn't want the memories that came with the sheet music. He briefly considered throwing it away or burning it but it wasn't his anymore. It wasn't his from the second that it was played for different ears. It wasn't his from the second it was finished. It was all Zexion's.

Demyx took the sheet music out of the stack- he had it memorized anyway- and brought it over to his desk where he quickly scribbled a short note and stuck both the note and sheet music in an envelope. He sealed it and quickly scribbled Zexion's address on it before taking it out to his mailbox. Demyx knew it could take up to a month for it to reach Zexion, since it had to travel to a different world- Hollow Bastion to be exact- and he didn't expect or want a reply. All Demyx was doing was returning something that was rightfully Zexion's.

The more Demyx told himself that, the more he felt like he was desperately trying to contact the one person he cared about with all his heart but never cared about him. It would be stupid if that was the case. Demyx sighs and pulls out a random song to play after tuning his guitar.

* * *

It had been weeks since Demyx left. Zexion couldn't believe he was actually keeping track. He was also surprised to see a letter from Twilight Town in his mailbox declaring itself from Demyx.

Curious, Zexion makes his way back to the apartment and sits at the kitchen table, sliding his finger under the flap and opening the letter and pulling out it's contents.

_Zexion,_

_I didn't mean to take this. It's actually yours. I made it for you. A long time ago. When I first noticed you didn't care._

_Have it. I really don't want to see it again._

_Demyx_

Zexion looked at the other papers in the envelope and saw it was sheet music. Sheet music for a song he never remembered hearing. But he ever so vaguely remembered Demyx saying he had written a song for him before. If only he could hear it now. Zexion couldn't play guitar and he didn't know anyone that could, except Demyx.

Zexion read over the lyrics, tried to imagine the notes. It was probably beautiful. Demyx had probable worked hard to make this perfect. Even years after the day it was written, the eraser marks were still evident and it was still possible to see the places he kept re-writing. He had probably tried so hard….

Zexion was starting to regret not caring. He was starting to regret never paying attention. He was starting to think what he had been doing these past years was a mistake. If he didn't love Demyx, why'd he stay with him?

For once in his life, Zexion felt stupid, slow, and ignorant. For the first time in his life, he knew it all was true.

Zexion decided he wanted to write a reply. So he did. He didn't expect Demyx to read it though.

* * *

It was the book. It was _the_ book. The _fucking_ book. Why did Demyx have to shove it in his bag? He didn't need or want the book. It had memories. It was the only book that Demyx and Zexion read together. He _hated_ the book. For the very reason that was coming to his head as he glared at the offending object.

_"Take this kiss upon the brow! /And, in parting from you now, /Thus much let me avow - /You are not wrong, who deem /That my days have been a dream; /Yet if hope has flown away /In a night, or in a day, /In a vision, or in none, /Is it therefore the less _gone_? /_All_ that we see or seem /Is but a dream within a dream.  
I stand amid the roar /Of a surf-tormented shore, /And I hold within my hand /Grains of the golden sand - /How few! yet how they creep /Through my fingers to the deep, /While I weep - while I weep! /O God! can I not grasp/ Them with a tighter clasp? /O God! can I not save /_One_ from the pitiless wave? /Is_ all _that we see or seem /But a dream within a dream?"(2) Zexion reads aloud from the book before closing it and setting it aside._

_"You read well, Zexy," Demyx smiles innocently at his boyfriend._

_"If you read books more often you would be too," Zexion points out poking Demyx's nose and crawling into bed beside him, as he had been sitting on the desk chair._

_"Yeah, well, reading music is more important to me," Demyx sticks his tongue out at Zexion who simply smiled and kissed his cheek._

_"Good night Dem," He said, turning off the lamp on his side._

_"Night- night, Zexy," Demyx replies mimicking Zexion's actions with his own lamp. They both fell into a peaceful slumber quickly._

It was one of few _good_ memories Demyx had of Zexion. He didn't want to remember it. It questioned everything he believed to be true about him. Zexion didn't care. Never had. Demyx _had_ to believe that. It was necessary, mandatory. Demyx couldn't stay away for long if he had a single doubt in his mind.

Demyx reached out to take the book from the shelf and stopped himself. He didn't want to leaf through the pages, he didn't want to look at all the poems and short stories he and Zexion had read to each other. He didn't, despite what his hand was doing, what his heart was saying.

Eventually, though, Demyx found himself sitting on the couch, book open on his lap to the page with "A Dream Within a Dream". He wasn't reading it, simply staring. Like it could change something.

Demyx heard a knock on the door then. He just called that it was open and they should let themselves in. that they did, but Demyx didn't know until they sat next to him. It was Hayner.

"There's some serious hate going for this book, isn't there?" Hayner asks trying to make it sound like a joke.

Demyx simply grunted.

"Memories of him?" Hayner asks, figuring it'd be the only thing that would have Demyx furrowing his eye brows in a deep glare. Demyx looked up from the book, to Hayner and he finally broke.

He quickly looked away to hide the tears, sniffling, and wiping at his eyes, moving the book to the coffee table so as not to damage it from his tears.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?" Hayner asks moving to kneel on the other side of Demyx on the floor.

Demyx simply shakes his head. "He didn't care. I have to believe he didn't care. It doesn't _work_ if he did care. He doesn't never did. I have to believe it," Demyx says desperately.

"Why?" Hayner asks. "Why must you believe he doesn't care?"

Demyx looks up at him incredulous look on his face. "Why do you think? I live _here_ don't I? Do you see _him_ anywhere?"

"Well, no, but is it impossible for you two to make up?" Hayner asks. "Me and Seifer do it all the time." He smiles almost guiltily. Demyx simply shakes his head and lets his face fall to his hands.

"It's not worth it. I don't think it's possible for him to care about anything…."

* * *

Zexion was working longer and harder. There was nothing to go home to, no point in it, so he didn't see why he should, apart from sleeping and changing clothes. "Home" was no longer. It wasn't something that he liked or enjoyed. It simply just was.

Zexion went home, slept, woke up, and got ready and left for work. That's all he did. And on the weekends he'd read. It's not like Zexion really did more than he is now before when Demyx was still there. If he had cared, maybe he would have, but he didn't, and couldn't think of a single instance when he had.

Zexion wondered if he actually had cared at a point in time and was just trying too hard to remember. All he knew for sure, is that he cared now. Zexion was paying rent on the land for Demyx, and he hardly thought he knew. Which is how he had wanted it to be and stay that way. Maybe it was selfish of him, though.

* * *

Demyx had the letter. He didn't want it, but he had it. And it was from Zexion. And he had opened it, but he was too scared to read it.

Demyx thought he had it all when he was with Zexion. Now he thought he had it well enough without him. Zexion always managed to mess up Demyx's plans.

_Demyx,_

_I got your letter and the music. It looks like you had poured everything you had into it. I'm so sorry I never listened while you played it, I'm sure it would have been beautiful. I would try to find a guitarist to play it for me but it's your song and it would be hampered by the fact that I wasn't you._

_I know I never cared, and it was really rather selfish of me. I know it's too late, but I just want to say I'm sorry._

_This probably only makes everything worse, but…never mind_

_Sincerely,_

_Zexion._

This time it was Sora and Roxas that found Demyx. Sora had a bad habit of just inviting himself into Demyx's house so it wasn't abnormal for him to enter without knocking. But the sight Demyx made worried Sora.

Demyx was frozen in place with the letter in his hands. Sora, Roxas, and Hayner couldn't even fix this if they tried together. All they could do was comfort him.

* * *

This was it, Zexion decided, he had taken a month off from work because the experiment didn't need much research or recording, and it was nothing he couldn't do at the library and email Vexen so he was going to visit Demyx.

Now, Zexion wasn't stupid. He figured the door would probably slam on his face, but he figured he'd try. It was all he could do. It was all he could hope for.

So Zexion boarded the plane to the Gummiship docks and got on one heading to Twilight Town. The entire way, he had his fingers crossed.

* * *

Demyx wasn't in mourning. He was worse than that. He was to the point where he could bring Sora, the smiling ball of happiness and joy, to tears with a single look. For a full week they had all tried to cheer him up, it had never worked.

So, when there was a knock on Demyx's door, he figured it was just one of his neighbors coming to comfort him again. Demyx didn't want their comfort, all he wanted was to wallow in his own misfortune so he called out and told them to go away.

But, instead of a brunette or a blonde head entering his field of vision, it was slate colored. Demyx's eyes widened and he immediately flinched back into the couch.

"….Demyx…" Zexion sounded worried. Demyx didn't want this. No, no he didn't. He wanted him to go away and never come back.

But instead, Zexion took a couple of steps towards Demyx and set a hand on his cheek gently. Demyx squeezed his eyes closed and turned his face slightly. He didn't want this.

"Demyx, I am _so_ sorry," Zexion says. "I miss you. If-"

"You only miss the sex, don't you? There's nothing to miss. You never paid attention so you couldn't have noticed how hard I tried. The only thing you'd ever notice is the sex. Asshole." Demyx throws back, opening his eyes only to glare at Zexion.

"No, no, I don't miss the sex. I miss you. I swear, I'll pay attention. I'll care. And if I'm doing it wrong you can tell me. I swear I'll do my best. And I'll keep trying until you've told me that I'm doing it right," Zexion says. "But if you don't want to give me a second chance I can leave now and never come back. You'll never have to see me again, I promise."

Demyx was torn. Half of him wanted Zexion back. But the other half wanted him to go away. Demyx wasn't sure anymore. And he didn't have any more time to think about it. Too much longer and Zexion would leave. He wasn't sure if that was what he wanted. He didn't know. Couldn't tell.

So Demyx blindly followed whichever notion was stronger. He let it take hold and take charge. He let himself kiss Zexion.

**A/N: **woo! I got this done in time! Hope you liked!

(1) Starbucks is awesome enough to where it goes to different worlds. Deal with it XD

(2) Edgar Allen Poe's "A Dream Within a Dream"


End file.
